OBLIVION
And to
her death, she fell.
Or so it
was in Katie's head.
But
reality was a very cruel thing, and unfortunately – or unfortunately for
Katie – the dent on the side of the road was just that. A dent. Not a deep,
gigantic, cavernous manhole where falling and survival never went hand in
hand.Just a small dent that didn't even fluster Regina's stance nor break a
toenail.
It
annoyed Katie.
But no one
had to know that.
So she
did what she always did best. Pretend.
It was
all an act. The way she looked at the offending dent with disdain. The way she
shook her head, seemingly projecting her annoyance at the mishap that befell
her closest friend.
The way she walked a little closer to Regina when all she
really wanted was to push the other girl away.
It was
all an act.
But no
one had to know that.
---
"Where
do you want to eat for lunch?" Katie heard Regina ask, but she didn't look
Regina's way nor offer any reply. Katie knew what was bound to happen soon and
she surely didn't want to have any part in it.
So she
waited silently. Waited for the first suggestion, the first spark in an
upcoming debate.
She knew
this oh so well. It always happened every darn day.
Soon
enough, the others – those who actually relished the fact that they were
friends with the great Regina – were
having a lively discussion in the middle of the crowded hall.
Everyone had a
point. Everyone wanted their points noted, the arguments they made on the
merits of all their proposed restaurants heard.
When
Regina finally spoke, she did so in the middle of the cacophony. Katie expected
nothing less of Regina. And when everyone stopped to listen, Katie could say
she expected that too. When everyone moved to follow Regina's lead, Katie was
expertly aware of what she was expected to do.
So
without a second thought, Katie walked by Regina's side, the latter glancing
her way.
Katie had
her role down pat.
She knew
what she had to do.
---
The first
time she saw Regina, Katie was already seated inside the small classroom, at
the corner farthest from the door. Music that blared from her headphones
separated her from the rest of the world. Her phone sat alone on top of the
wooden desk.
It was as
it always had been almost all her life.
When she
felt someone take the seat beside hers, Katie did not even turn to look. She
kept to herself, like she always did. Minding her own business.
So it
took her by surprise when she felt the gentle pat. That brief touch to her
shoulder. The indication that someone actually saw her. That someone actually
noticed.
Noticed
before she was gone.
"The
prof arrived yet?" Katie heard the question, but what really got her was
the expression. Katie looked at the other girl.
She looked
at the other girl looking at her.
"Um.
No," Katie answered, hastily putting the headphones away.
"Good.
I thought I was going to be late, you know? Last class for the day and I really
thought I'd have messed up at some point, but so far, all's been going well.” There
was that giddy grin, Katie saw, and she wondered how anyone would have the
courage to show a giddy grin to someone who was basically a mere stranger.
When
Katie didn't say anything – mostly because she really didn't know what to do – theother
girl looked briefly at the headphones on her neck.
"What're
you listening to?"
This
time, Katie spoke up. She knew exactly what to say. "Nirvana."
"Ooooh!
Smells Like Teen Spirit."
"Among
others," Katie found herself smiling. The other girl didn't look like the
kind who knew of old school rock, let alone listened to it. Katie wondered how
someone who looked like the kind of girl you typically saw dancing to EDM in
parties, all flawless make-up and confident stance, would end up listening to
songs from Nirvana.
"I'm
not that into rock, but there's this friend who introduced me to their music
and surprisingly, I kind of liked the songs."
Katie
certainly didn't know how it was that the unspoken question in her head just
got answered and she was thankful that the professor's arrival made for a good
excuse to stop wondering.
"I'm
Regina."
She heard
the voice before she turned her attention to the front.
"Katie."
---
The first
time Katie asked was when she stood in front of the mirror and saw nothing.
All her
life, she never really asserted herself. She was the follower, the listener,
the introvert.
She stood to the side and quietly observed. She blended in. Never
left a mark.
That was
just who she was.
Katie
didn't have many friends, but it didn’t really matter. Truth was, she could
never for the life of her figure out what to say whenever she met someone new.
She never figured out how to keep people interested in anything that involved
her.
So it was
natural that she didn't get to make new acquaintances, nor keep old ones.
And she
knew that. Accepted it even.
It was
just who she was.
"Why?"
she asked, but the mirror never answered. Never gave any indication that she
was even heard.
She
stared and stared.
Where was
the person Regina saw? Who did Regina see? When did Regina start seeing? What
made Regina want to see?
These
were all questions that chased each other around inside the recesses of Katie's
mind. A game of tag that came to be when Regina dropped her off in front of her
house one ordinary afternoon and Katie realized she had been riding Regina's
car every ordinary afternoon just before that.
"Why?"
she asked again, for as much as the other questions ran consistently in her
head, this was the one question that left tire marks. The one query she could not
answer but wanted to.
Katie was
nothing like Regina. She knew that. Accepted it.
Regina
was beautiful, gorgeous. Regina stood out. Regina could charm her way into and
out of anything. Regina had the perfect set of clothes and the perfect bags,
the perfect smile and the perfect pout, even the perfect giggle and the perfect
squeal.
Katie was
nothing like Regina. Never as beautiful. Never as charming. Never as perfect.
And if
Regina stood beside her, in front of the mirror, Katie knew she would only see
Regina.
But as
she stood alone, she stared and stared and waited.
What she
saw didn't surprise her.
Still
nothing.
---
The last
time Katie asked, she was talking on the phone with Regina. She was sitting on
the bed cross-legged, phone held by her right hand, a piece of paper on the
left.
The perky
voice came from the other line, chatting and talking nonstop.
Katie
looked at the paper and blinked.
"You
are coming to the party tonight, right? Right, Katie?" came the insistent
but friendly voice.
Katie
blinked, still looking down.
"Katie?
You're coming, right?"
"What?"
"The
party? Org night? You should come. I'm picking you up!"
Katie's
gaze never left the paper. She stopped blinking, but never stopped looking.
"Yeah…yeah.
I'll go, Reg."
We are glad to inform you that you have just been accepted as a transfer
student to the University of New South Wales for the Spring Semester of…and the
rest of the words became a blur.
Katie
stopped blinking, but never stopped looking.
"Great!"
a lively tone from somewhere else.
Katie
didn't ask. And right there and then, she realized she didn't want to look for
the answer any longer.
There was
no longer any point.
---
The last
time she saw Regina, Katie was gritting her teeth and looking everywhere but at
the person in front of her. There were tears on Regina’s eyes, not quite
falling from her face. Katie knew, and she really didn't want to see more of
that.
"What
are you trying to say?" Katie heard the voice cracking and her jaw
hardened in anger.
"Were
you not just listening to me a while ago? I hate you, Regina."
"Why?"
Katie
sighed. It was one of those hard, rough, irritated sighs that spoke to you,
that said this is not worth my time.
"You
know what I hate the most, Reg? How everything is all about you! Your
restaurant. Your party. Your backpacking trip all over Asia. The world doesn't
revolve around you, Regina."
"I
know that –"
"I
have a life. Plans. You can't just buy me a ticket to god knows where and
expect me to be on the other side of the world with you for your birthday!"
"Why
the hell not?! It's my birthday, Katie. And it's next month! We won't have
classes and I'm sorry if I just wanted my best friend with me on my damn
birthday!"
"I
have plans."
"You
don't tell me anything."
"I'm
leaving, Regina."
"Care
to elaborate on that, Ms. Genius?"
"I'm
leaving, Regina. I can't be your friend anymore.
"What?"
But Katie had turned around. Walked away. "Katie! Kate –"
---
And to
her death, she fell.
Or at
least it felt so for Regina.
The sun
was warm. The place was gorgeous. The people were accommodating.
But when
she fell to the pool in a huge splash of chlorinated water, Regina knew
something was lacking. Something was terribly wrong.
And she
had known for the past two weeks that something was wrong but what she didn't
know was why.
She
wanted to ask. She wanted an answer.
But the
one person who could give her what she wanted was nowhere near. Won't be
anywhere near anymore.
As the
coolness of the water took over her body, with wide eyes, Regina stared at the seemingly
bottomless pit of endless nothing.
She
stared and stared and waited.
Nothing.
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